?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Give 'Em Hell, Kid.

Bittersweet Symphony

I wouldn't front the scene if you paid me

Bob (favorite)

So give me all your poison, and give me all your pills. And give me all your hopeless hearts and make me ill.You're running after something that you'll never kill. If this is what you want, then fire at will.

Bittersweet Symphony

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
Bob
Title: Bittersweet Symphony [Standalone]
Pairing: Gerard Way/Bert McCracken
Rating: NC-17
POV: Third
Summary: Bert wants what Gerard can't ever give him.(Fair warning, it's quite angsty.)
Disclaimer: This is a complete work of fiction, and I own nothing but the words.
Author Notes: I've never written this pairing before, so I hope I did okay. :)




Bittersweet Symphony




"So what the fuck are we exactly?" Bert turns to Gerard one morning and asks. The air is thick and humid, the smell of sex and alcohol smothering them like a dirty blanket. The question hangs between them almost tangibly, and it makes Gerard tense up. This isn't the first time Bert has tried to corner him with relationship definition, and Gerard knows it won't be the last.



Sighing pointedly, he braces himself. "What do you mean?" Gerard asks, feigning ignorance, and tipping his face up to meet Bert's cerulean gaze. There's no warmth in the younger man's eyes right now, only pain. Something that unfortunately Gerard sees far too often, and even worse, has been the repeated cause of. Reaching out, he trails two fingers down the roughness of Bert's stubbly cheek as he waits for him to answer. Bert hasn't seen a razor (or a shower for that matter) in the better part of a week, but it's one of his qualities that Gerard finds oddly endearing. Perhaps it's because he bathes about as often as Bert does. Probably less, if anyone bothered to investigate.



"You know what I mean, Gee. The sun is up, so that means that any minute now, you're going to jump up, put your clothes back on, and leave me ... us," he corrects with a wince as he jerks away. "Leave us behind like a fuckin' secret. Do you realize you don't even touch me in public anymore?" He's shaking now, the anger coursing through him, and causing his hands to tremble so badly, that he has to snuff out the cigarette he just managed to get lit.



"But we -- "



"We what?" Bert isn't having any of it. "We what, Gerard?" he demands, throwing back the covers and sitting up. He tries once again to light his cigarette, but this time it tumbles to the floor and rolls under the bed. Great. It's his last one, and he'll be damned before he takes one of Gerard's; he's not quite that desperate yet. "We make out on stage? You pretend to blow me to get the fans off? Or yourself. Yeah, I get it, all right," he snaps, and runs his fingers through his greasy hair. "Crystal fucking clear."



"It's not like that and you fucking know it." Gerard's pulse is racing from either fear, or the lingering remnants of whatever Bert got him high with. Just a little nose candy, baby. Somethin' to make us feel good, Bert had said.



"Yeah? Then what is it like? You can fuck me when no one's around, but if I try to kiss you in public, I end up with a fucking black eye?"



"That was an accident."



"Oh, so I guess the bloody nose was too? Remember last week when Frank walked in on us? You shoved me so fucking hard that I hit the wall, Gee. I'm still not entirely sure that it's not fuckin' broken," he adds, touching his nose gingerly.



Gerard doesn't need to be reminded; he can still picture it clearly. The disgust and disappointment radiating from Frank, the betrayal oozing from every pore in Bert's skinny body, and the blood smeared along the wall where Bert met it face first. Gerard hadn't honestly intended to shove him like that, it was just an unfortunate reaction.



"What the fuck do you want me to say? I'm sorry? I've already apologized until I'm blue in the fucking face. I'm sorry, baby," Gerard trails off, as he reaches out to wrap a shaky arm around Bert's waist. He feels Bert flinch, which causes his own gut to convulse, like he just might throw up if he concentrates on how fucked up everything has become.



"I'm not your fuckin' baby," Bert hisses, and shoves Gerard off of him.



"You are. You're mine," Gerard growls, and pushes Bert backward. Pinning him down has always been easy; Bert isn't as tough as he looks. Or as strong, for that matter.



"Get the fuck off of me," Bert shouts, while trying to free his wrists. "And get the hell out, before you turn back into a pumpkin."



"No." Gerard is persistent. He's got Bert trapped beneath him, as he squeezes his wrists tighter. "Say it."



"Fuck you." Bert can feel his eyes welling up, but he'll be fucking damned if he'll give Gerard the satisfaction of seeing him cry. For the record, Bert doesn't cry easily, either. When he does, it's out of sheer frustration like he's about to now. Sometimes Bert is really sorry he ever met Gerard Way.



"No baby, you know that's not how it works," Gerard whispers, as he expels the breath he's been holding. Eventually Bert breaks and spreads his thighs, allowing Gerard to slide between them. He might as well get to come first, he thinks, since there's no telling when (or if) they might get together again. As it is, Bert's dick is practically rubbed raw, so a fuck for the road doesn't sound like the worst idea he's ever heard.



"Hurry up," Bert snaps through clenched teeth, his voice cracking audibly as Gerard presses gentle kisses up his neck. He's in no mood for Gerard's games, and wants this to be over as quickly as possible. "Just fuck me already, so you can get out, and go back to living a lie." Bert can still feel the moisture pooling at the corners of his eyes but he won't do it. He won't.



"What's the rush?" Gerard speaks against Bert's lips, just before parting them with his tongue. Bert tastes like come, beer, and a gross combination of other men, but Gerard loves it. He loves the bitterness of Bert's mouth, and kisses him like he might never stop. He's far too lazy to bother with a condom this time, and far too gone to consider the consequences he could potentially be faced with as a result.



Before Bert has a chance to protest any further, (not that he'd actually make Gerard stop or anything) Gerard is shoving his thighs apart, and gripping them so that he can bury his cock in Bert's ass.



Raw and unprepared, Bert grunts at the intrusion, but doesn't speak. Instead, he closes his eyes and thinks about the first time he ever kissed Gerard. Really kissed him. It was impromptu and silly, which a lot of first kisses can be. That, Bert supposes, is probably why it's one of his favorite memories. Not just of Gerard, but of all his memories in general. When he's an old man, and he stops to think about the truly amazing things he's experienced, (provided his eccentric lifestyle doesn't kill him before the age of thirty) he will always remember that moment.



~*~


They were sitting in the back of the My Chem van, just the two of them, and it couldn't have been more than ten degrees inside the damned thing. There was no heat of course, because back then they had zero budget for luxuries of any kind. They were just lucky that they had a vehicle big enough to cart their asses from gig to gig. Bert and Gerard spent a lot of time in the back of that van together. In the beginning, just drinking, smoking, and experimenting with whatever Bert's latest 'candy' might have been. Gerard was always afraid, yet, he trusted Bert completely. That might have been his first mistake.



They weren't really doing much that night. Just playing poker, or gin, or go fish -- Bert doesn't know; he sucks at card games. It didn't really matter. They were mainly just kind of flipping cards over, not giving a shit when they slid off their laps and ended up disappearing under the seat. (Mikey would have a bitch fit later, when he could only find about half of them.) Gerard was stretched out on a blanket in the back, and Bert was laying against his chest as they passed a joint between them.



"You are too! You're a lousy fuckin' kisser, Way," Bert had mumbled around the joint as he tickled Gerard playfully. Gerard squeaked and giggled, which was without a doubt, the cutest thing Bert had ever witnessed.



"Fuck off; it was a dare. It's not like I was trying, you freak. Like I'd want to kiss you?" Gerard spat in faux disgust, while swatting at Bert's hands. "Knock it off, fucker!"



"You totally wanted to kiss me," Bert countered, shifting closer.



"The fuck I did!" Gerard snorted, even though they both knew the truth.



"Oh yeah?" Bert challenged, shifting closer. "Then why did you get hard?" The last word was whispered against Gerard's ear, as an arm slid around his neck. "And you're hard now." It wasn't a question. Bert's breath ghosted across Gerard's heated skin, just as long, teasing fingers groped him through the faded denim of his jeans. It was exactly at that moment that Gerard turned his face, and their mouths collided. Bert would never forget it. Something ignited between them in those few moments, and Bert hasn't been the same since.



The kiss was nothing short of magical. It started out uncoordinated and sloppy, but melted into something a bit more structured. Within seconds, Gerard had relocated to Bert's lap and was grinding against him frantically. Surprisingly enough, it was Bert who slowed things down because high or not, he wanted to remember that moment. "You're beautiful," he sang against Gerard's mouth between kisses. Sweet, and soft, Gerard's supple lips were pliant against Bert's, who never imagined anything above the waist could feel that good.



The moment ended a lot more G-rated than either of them would have liked, but they were unfortunately interrupted minutes later by their starving band mates. Mikey wanted a burger, Bob wanted pizza, and Frank and Toro wanted anything that wasn't cold or left over.



To some, a kiss in the back of a dirty, frigid van was nothing to speak of, but for Gerard and Bert, it was the start of something beautiful.



~*~



When Bert opens his eyes, Gerard is panting against his mouth, and releasing inside him. "Come on baby, come for me," Gerard coos, reaching between their bodies so that he can finish Bert off manually. It takes only three or four rough strokes before Bert shoots his load, and comes with a raspy moan.



"Mmmm," Gerard murmurs as he curls up in the sticky warmth of Bert's arms. Gerard is always supremely cuddly after sex, and loves to intertwine their languid bodies.



Don't say it. Don't you fucking dare, Bert thinks. Not now, you bastard.



"I love you," Gerard whispers against the soft curve of Bert's shoulder.



Bert wants to throw up. He can feel everything from pizza to semen churning in his stomach, and if it doesn't all magically reappear, it'll be a miracle.



"Did you hear me?" Gerard whispers again, a little louder this time for good measure. Gently, he sifts his fingers through Bert's slick hair, while separating the ebony strands, and then tucking them behind Bert's ear.



"Yeah. And what, Gee? You don't mean it." Bert tries to be firm, but his voice cracks.



"Of course I do," Gerard nods, moving his fingers down Bert's face, and pulling him close.



Bert knows Gerard is waiting for him to say it back, except he can't; not this time.



Maybe not ever again.



What he says is, "Get some sleep, Gee; I gotta go," while trying to untangle himself from Gerard, and quickly locating his clothes. It's at least nine-hundred degrees in the seedy little hotel room that they've been meeting in all week, and Bert feels like he might suffocate if he doesn't get the hell out of there.



"Don't go." It's not a request, but a plea. Pulling back the tacky blanket, Gerard pats the empty space next to him in silent invitation.



Bert continues to pull his sneakers on, while trying to ignore the ache in his chest. "I have to."



"Why?" Gerard doesn't look up this time. Instead, he curls himself around his pillow as a surge of cool air circulates the stuffy room.



"Because if I don't, you will."



The door slams a second later, and only then does Gerard break down.




~*~



It's almost a week before they see each other again, and ironically, it's by accident. Gerard needs to get laid already. By anyone at this point; he isn't terribly picky. Unfortunately, Frank won't touch him until he agrees to get tested, possibly even bleached. Gerard is fairly certain that last part hadn't been a joke.



There's a bar just down the street from the venue, and Gerard figures if he plays his cards just right, he can get laid and drunk. As luck would have it, there were only three people in the bar when he steps inside. The first two being Gerard and the bartender, and the third, who else? Right; the one person Gerard had hoped to avoid for a while. Or at least until he had time to scrounge up some really good drugs, and surrender his own ass like a peace offering. Bert didn't top often; usually just during make-up sex, because Gerard considered control to be a gift. Gerard likes being in control of Bert because these days, he's not in control of much else.



"Hey little boy, want some candy?" Gerard asks with a suggestive wink. He figures since he's already been spotted, he might as well try and alleviate some of the awkward tension. Sticking around also seems like a good idea, so at least he can get wasted.



"Tabs open. Get whateverthefuck you want," Bert slurs, while spinning on his barstool and heading for the bathroom. He tells himself it's because he really has to piss, and not because he knows Gerard will follow him. Either way, the end result is still the same. About ten seconds after Bert makes it to the urinal, he feels a familiar pair of hands rubbing at his sides.



"Hey."



The response Bert shoots back is more a grunt, than anything else. It might have been "hey" or "fuck you," for all Gerard could tell.



"Need a hand?" Gerard snickers against the crook of Bert's neck as he snakes his hand lower.



"I'm good," Bert replies icily, while quickly zipping up.



"Well I'm not," Gerard giggles, and drags Bert into the nearest stall. He can feel the younger man trembling slightly, which gives him a twisted sense of empowerment; he loves that he has this kind of effect on him. "I missed you," he adds, and Bert has to wonder if Gerard really means it. It's probably just a ploy to get him laid, he guesses. Either way, they both know that whatever it is, it'll work like a charm, just like always.



"Oh yeah, What did you miss?" Bert counters, even as Gerard is busy shoving his too-tight jeans down his thighs.



"I missed your snoring." The jeans make it all the way down, and then Gerard is taking Bert's cock into his hands, and working him slowly. "I missed waking up in your arms," he adds, kissing a soft trail up Bert's neck. Again Bert shivers slightly, which results in Gerard quickening the pace of his hand.



Better, Bert thinks, but certainly not enough.



"I missed being inside you." Gerard speaks that last sentence against Bert's jugular vein, as he nips at taut, salty skin.



Bert lets out a soft gasp when Gerard releases his cock, turns him around, and presses two spit-lubed fingers against his ass. He slides one in and rubs gently, knowing full well it's not wet enough to ease the pain. He can hear Bert panting against cold tiles when he replaces his finger with his cock. It takes him nearly a minute, but finally, he eases all the way in, and reaches down to squeeze Bert's thin hips. "Did you miss me, baby?" Gerard moans against Bert's neck, while pulling out and then shoving right back in.



"You know I did." Bert's voice is even colder than the tiles he's pressed up against.



"Did you think about me when you were getting yourself off? About my dick being inside you? Did you scream my name when you came all over yourself?" The questions were asked in tandem, while Gerard builds up a steady rhythm.



In response, Bert merely nods and presses his palms flat against the wall in front of him. He takes a few steeling breaths, and tries not to let his knees buckle. "Yeah; I even screamed out your name when I fucked your little brother." Bert's laughter is sharper than broken glass, and cuts just as deep. He's still laughing when his face meets the wall with a forceful crack, and when Gerard pulls out of him just seconds before he comes.



Once again Bert is being turned around, and then regarded with Gerard's frigid glare. "He was damn good too; runs in the family, huh?" Bert snaps, while reaching down to rub himself slowly. He gets far more pleasure from the expression on Gerard's face, than the rhythm of his own hand. "Relax. I'd never touch Mikey and you know it. You totally deserved that though." He comes with a soft grunt, and then reaches down to get Gerard off as well.



"I hate you," Gerard snarls, which results in more of Bert's acidic laughter.



"Well, at least you're finally being honest," Bert nods, before leaning in to kiss Gerard softly. "That's all I've ever wanted from you," he adds, while working Gerard faster, and dragging his teeth up his neck. "Now hurry up and finish before we get arrested."



"Fucker," Gerard grips Bert by the face and growls against his mouth as he comes.



"No babe, it's the other way around, remember?"




~*~




Bert McCracken is officially losing (what's left of) his mind. No one has seen or heard from Gerard in exactly a week, and that proposes a couple of problems. One, the last time anyone saw him he was with Bert. Surely if anything dreadful has happened to him, the authorities will lock Bert up first, and ask questions later. Especially since it's no secret to anyone that the pair have been arguing a lot lately. Two, they have a show in three days, and Frank has been circling Bert like a vulture. Bert would never admit this to anyone, but he's somewhat intimidated by the little punk pixie.



Luckily they're back in Jersey, so at least it would be easy for Gerard to track them down, presuming a) he wants to ... eventually, and b) he's still breathing. Mikey insists they not call the police just yet, since Gerard is known for pulling this kind of shit. Mikey has just been telling their parents that Gerard's been too busy to call, and generally making up excuses for him.



On day nine, Bert is at his wits end. There has still been no signs of Gerard, but at the very least, the obituaries haven't begged to differ. Bert would know; he checks them consistently for beautiful John Doe's with porcelain skin and hazel eyes. (He'd actually be shocked if Gerard carried any identification on him.) It's depressing as hell to have such a somber morning ritual every day, but at least nothing bad has turned up yet; Bert is going to call that his silver lining.



On day ten, My Chem has to cancel a show, which thoroughly pisses the band off, but worries them even more. Gerard has never been this irresponsible before. Just when Frank threatens Mikey with bodily harm if he doesn't allow them to alert the authorities, does Gerard finally make his grand reappearance back into their little social circle. It's painfully obvious he hasn't seen a shower the entire time he was gone, but they don't care; they're just happy as fucking hell (not to mention relieved) that he's back safely.



Mikey hugs him until Gerard's eyes nearly bug out, while whispering God-knows-what against his ear, and running a comforting hand through his gruesome hair. Toro cries a little, Bob pretends to be pissed, but everyone knows better. And Frank? Frank hugs him fiercely and calls him an asshole, which everyone knows is code for 'don't you ever put us through that shit again, you fucker!'



Gerard gets the bulk of his lecturing from Brian, so the band eases up on him. They know his depression (not to mention his substance abuse) is taking a heavy toll, they just wish they knew how to help. The only person who has been able to get through to him at all lately, is the one person Gerard refuses to see.



"Don't be a dipshit," Frank tells him, which is about as friendly as Frank is going to get where Bert McCracken is concerned. "He's been going as crazy as we have, Gee; worse even, because he -- "



"Don't say it."



"-- loves you," Frank finishes, and folds his arms across his chest. "What? He does, and you love him too. Quit fuckin' denying it."



"You don't know shit, Frank." Gerard is fuming, and he's also thisclose to hopping the nearest Greyhound to anywhere sixteen dollars would get him, since that's all he's got.



"I know you." Frank is firm, and blocks Gerard from trying to slide past him. "If you don't get your shit together, you're going to lose him; don't fuck this up."



"Since when do you, of all people, give a shit about Bert?"



"I give a shit about you, and I know you love him." Frank stands his ground, and hopes he's making a sizable dent in Gerard's thick exterior.



"Well thanks for your epic concern, but I don't believe I asked for your fucking opinion," Gerard snaps, and finally manages to shove his way past Frank, and into the solitude of his bunk.



"Gerard," Frank calls after him, and turns on his heel. He's exasperated, and can feel the beginning stages of a migraine coming on. "Bert isn't me. He isn't going to keep forgiving you, and taking your sorry ass back. Go fucking talk to him," Frank hisses through the thin curtain that Gerard has drawn closed.



Gerard ignores him.



Frank disappears without another word, leaving Gerard in his smoky wake. It's not the first time they've argued about Bert, and it certainly won't be the last. Gerard tries to fall asleep, but he can't. Frank's words keep echoing in his ear like bad music. For the record, he hates it when Frank is right.



~*~



"Just fucking do it," Bob snaps, as he watches Gerard continuously open and shut his cell phone. "Seriously, don't be a dick." Bob is thoroughly annoyed now, and doesn't even try to hide it.



Suddenly, a rather obvious snort can be heard coming from the back of the bus. Shut up, Frank Gerard silently pleads, while looking up to meet Bob's unamused glare. "I'm sure he's already heard; it's not like there are many secrets around here. Plus, he could call me, you know."



"Check your voicemail, fucker," Frank shouts over the din of the video game he's playing.



Bob says nothing, he merely cocks an eyebrow and reaches for Gerard's phone. Flipping it back open, he punches a few keys and hands it back to him with an obnoxious smile.



"It's ringing."



~*~



About an hour later, Bert and Gerard meet at yet another seedy motel.



"He lives," Bert mutters through a cloud of expelled smoke, as he stomps his cigarette out.



"Unfortunately," Gerard shoots back and reaches out to pull Bert into his arms.



"Don't," Bert quickly dodges the embrace, and rubs his bare arms briskly to ward off the evening chill. "We need to talk."



"So talk." Gerard is defensive now, and the tension in the room could be cut with a knife.



"I can't do this anymore, Gee. I've got a fuckin' ulcer from worrying about you so much, and -- "



"Who asked you to worry?"



"-- I just can't. Not unless ... "



"Unless what?" Gerard narrows his eyes, and waits for Bert to answer.



"Unless I'm not wasting my fucking time."



"What the fuck does that mean?" Gerard snaps, and tosses his messenger bag to the floor. He's suddenly very glad that he decided to repack it, just in case he needs to escape again.



"I'm not your fuck toy, Gerard. Hell, I'm not your anything, am I? Well, I do seem to be your dirty little secret, except you know what? It's not a fucking secret if people know about us!" Bert is shaking now, from both anger, and the fact that he had been wandering out in the cold with nothing more than jeans, and a thin cotton T-shirt.



"Hey," Gerard softens, and crawls onto the bed next to Bert. "You know you're more than that to me. A lot more," he whispers against Bert's neck and kisses it softly.



"Oh, and what's that?" Bert is unfazed.



"You know I love you." Gerard straddles Bert's hips, and for the first time in a very long time, looks him in the eyes.



"How the fuck do I know that?" Bert quickly looks away, while thinking if he wishes hard enough, he might just wake up from this nightmare.



"Because I tell you all the time," Gerard grins, and brushes his lips against Bert's.



"After we've fucked," Bert is quick to point out.



"What? You want me to write it across the sky instead?" Gerard is annoyed again, and pulls back sharply.



"Loving someone and being in love with them is not the same fucking thing." For the record, Gerard also hates it when Bert is right. "I just can't deal with this shit anymore."



"What the fuck do you want from me?" Gerard doesn't move from his place on Bert's lap, but he does pull back and tries his best to decipher what Bert isn't saying.



"I just want you. That's it. I'm not asking for three-story mansions or white picket fences. I just want to know that you love me the same way that I love you, and that we'll get through this. I don't want to have to hide how I feel about you; not anymore."



"Babe, the people who matter already know," Gerard notes, while reaching for Bert's clammy hand, and lacing their fingers together.



"I want everyone to know," Bert says quietly, and then sighs. He's completely drained, physically and emotionally. His eyes are still downcast as he speaks, but he doesn't release Gerard's hand. "And you want to keep living in denial. Not admitting to yourself who you really are doesn't make it any less true."



Gerard remains silent.



"You have to deal with that first," Bert adds, while rubbing the pad of his thumb across Gerard's lower lip. "I just can't be your experiment anymore, Gee. I love you, and I wish that was enough, but it's obviously not." There is a tangible pain in Bert's voice; he wants nothing more than to fix this somehow, but he's at an infinite loss for solutions.



"So where does that leave us?" Gerard already knows the answer, he's afraid.



Bert shrugs and shakes his head. He doesn't have the actual words, but he knows (or at least hopes) Gerard understands. "I gotta go," he says softly, which Gerard also knew was coming.



Nodding slowly, Gerard releases Bert's hand, and slides out of his lap.



Bert gets halfway across the room before he stops and turns back. "You know where to find me if you need me." Then, against his better judgment, he moves forward and brushes the tangled hair from Gerard's face. His fingers trail cautiously against Gerard's cheek, and before he even realizes it, they're engaged in a kiss so intense that it shakes Bert to his very core. It takes all the strength he possesses, but he breaks away a moment later, and steps back.



"Sorry; I shouldn't have. I just ... " he trails off, when he realizes Gerard is speaking now.



"I need more time," Gerard says, his eyes pleading as he reaches his arms out. "We can get through this; we always do." His voice is weak, and he's shaking. Bert can see that, even though his vision is a little blurry around the edges. Gerard is like a drug that Bert never wants to quit, and right now, he's having serious withdrawals. He knows what he has to do though, and it's killing him.



"Time's up, Gee." Bert manages to pull on a pair of dark sunglasses and make it outside just before the tears start to fall.



~*~




A/N: Technically, this is finished, but I've been considering a sequel. Any and all comments would be highly appreciated. :)
  • holy shit, girlie. you are on FIRE. i haven't even read the last one yet. DDD:

    ♥!
    • LOL!! Aww it's okay! I'd love your thoughts on it if you get a chance to read it though! :) Thanks Dee!! :D *HUGS!*
  • This is amazing! It totally left me wanting more, so I really hope you write the sequel :)
    • Aww thank you SO much!!! :) I've definitely been considering it, so I might just do that. ^_^ Thank you for the lovely review!
  • oh fuck. This was... amazing. Shit, shit, shit. Those stupid fucks. Why can't they just be together when it's so fucking obvious they like, love each other and URGH! And I'm not only talking about the fic.
    Ahem, sorry, kinda had a moment there. But this was amazing. Seriously. Oh man. How I miss them together.
    • *offers hugs* Trust me, I know exactly what you mean! I really struggled with this. I wanted to give it a happy ending, but ugh. The angst is so damn canon that the fic just wrote itself. I may do a happy sequel though. Their love was, and sometimes still is, blatantly obvious (not to mention painful. I mean, The Used's recent album might as well have been called "The Gerard Way Concept Album." XD)

      I feel your pain, totally. I still hold out hope that one day they'll get it right. :) (Wives be damned, even as awesome as I'm sure they both are.)

      Uh yeah. It was clearly my turn to have a moment. :)
    • Oh, and THANK YOU for the lovely review!! :) ♥
  • I'm telling you, magic! I swear... This was amazing, I think I need to read it again, just to let it sink in. God, I really miss the two of them together and this just made me miss them all the more, not to mention the fact that it sounds all so real.

    Please, please, please write a sequel :D
    • THANK YOU :) :) Your comments make me incredibly happy, just so you know. ^_^ ♥ Seriously, thank you for all the incredible reviews; they mean so much to me. :) I'm really glad you liked the fic, even though it's horribly angsty. It's the first time I've ever wrote this pairing, so I'm glad I did okay. The sequel might take a bit of time because I need to figure out how I want things to progress, but I'll definitely do it. :D

      Thank you again!! ♥
  • Dude, totally. It's so hard; when I write Bert&Gee fics all that I want is just to let them be together but it's impossible and it's just urgh. And back then when they were still friends, there wasn't a couple that was more adorable. Seriously, I don't even know. I still have hope, just like you. As for the ladies, Lyn and Alison should totally get together, and leak a sex tape on the net and be happy ever after so Bert and Gerard could finally be just the two of them for all I care, it would be really the perfect ending for everybody. xD
    Anyways, sorry again. Your fic got me really dsuidhfiuhdfgonhg about these two idiots. ;_; Please, write the sequel.
    • As for the ladies, Lyn and Alison should totally get together, and leak a sex tape on the net and be happy ever after so Bert and Gerard could finally be just the two of them for all I care, it would be really the perfect ending for everybody. xD

      Wow. Yeah that definitely works for me!!!! :D

      Please don't be sorry. :) I really love your comments, and I'm definitely going to work on that sequel! I promise. :D

      Even if things didn't end so happy for them IRL, I'm determined to write something at least somewhat happy for them, dammit!! XD
  • I really love the style you've written this in, really understated but complex.

    I also love how you've avoided the cliches - there is no blame only the slow, inevitable, falling apart of a relationship. It's heart-breaking, but true to life and beautiful.

    I would be totally interested in a sequel ;)

    *mems*

    x

    (oh, and I noticed one typo, btw, in the second line...uhm: and it makes Gerard tenses up)

    Great writing :)
    • Thank you SO much!! You have no idea what this comment means to me. :D It's the first time I've ever written this pairing, so I was a little nervous to post this. :)

      I also love how you've avoided the cliches - there is no blame only the slow, inevitable, falling apart of a relationship. It's heart-breaking, but true to life and beautiful.

      I kind of want to make that into a sticker or something, so I can always have it around to make me smile. That's probably one of the greatest compliments I've ever been given on my writing. :)

      And THANK YOU for catching that typo. I fixed it! I've been staring at this fic for days, so when that happens, sometimes a typo slips through the cracks. Great job noticing that one! ♥

      Again--thank you for the most incredible review!!! :)


      (Oh, and a sequel is definitely in the workds now.)
      • Well you write this pairing amazingly... :)

        Haha, well I'm glad it makes you smile :D ...the fact is, yours is by far the best story I've ever read of bxg because it encapsulates that idea perfectly.

        I know, it's always one tiny typo that makes it through...but now it's perfect, so...lolz. ;D

        A pleasure :)

        and *squees*
        x
        • Aww thank you so much! Seriously!! :D (Ps, I was too lazy to log into my fic lj, so I'm replying from my personal one.) My day hasn't started out so good today, but it's better now after reading your lovely reply. Thank you!! :) ♥
  • Dude. I had to turn my TV off so I could concentrate on this. I came in expecting the usual Bert/Gerard and have ended up completely floored by your talent.

    This has to be one of the best pieces of writing I've read in a while. For sure, it is. I just love how everything just slowly, slowly crumbles because Gerard just won't admit it to himself that he's in love with Bert. It's so beautiful in such a down to earth way that it just...stopped me.

    This has been one of the rare fics that has left me feeling emotionally drained and in desperate need of a cigarette afterwards. And those, my friend, are difficult to find.

    Is it wrong that I love to feel spent after reading a fic?

    Anyway, completely amazing work and I pray to GOD for a sequel. Your talent amazes me.
    • I'm totally BLUSHING. OMG, thank you!!!! :) I keep saying this in all my comment replies, but this is my first attempt at Bert/Gee, so all the feedback means so much to me! :) Thank you hardly seems like enough, but seriously, your comment means so much to me. ♥

      I was really worried that I might screw this pairing up, but now I'm doing a little happy dance that people really seem to like it. I'm definitely going to write a sequel now.


      *offers squishy hugs!* You have made my entire night, and I realize I'm gushing here, but yeah. THANK YOU!!!! :D
  • i have a total fascination with asshole!gerard fics. and this was really... like. i dunno. it was just REAL. no happy beginning, and no happy ending. c'est good. ♥
  • I must admit babe, it's amazing.

    You wrote it beautifully. And you TOTALLY captured Bert. I love it. : )

  • I would love a sequel. Mainly because this is so very good. Gerard is so fucked up, and Bert is the 'responsible one' breaking it off. Not a lot of fics are written from that point of view.

    You're a great writer. This really got to me.
    x
    • Aww thank you!!!!!! :D I'm so glad you like it, and I really appreciate the comment. :) ♥ And yes--I'm definitely working on a sequel. ^_^
  • (no subject) - saint_sorrows
    • Thank you! :) I'm really glad you liked it, and I definitely appreciate the feedback. :) I'll see if I can make the next one flow better, and not be as choppy. And yeah, happier, lol. ♥
  • kejfbkjtkjbjnrgkhjn WIN. TIMES ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND MILLION XD <33333333333333

    Oh my God- you wrote that SO well baby!! *FLAILS* Seriously, you had nothing to be worried about :D The heartbreak was just so perfectly REAL and well done- seriously, it feels like this is what actually happened (which it probably did) and the detail and emotion is just so perfect ♥

    I absolutely loved it to pieces! :D <3333 You were so nice to Bert though XD Even though I want to hug both of them for what happened, I still feel like Bert was the bad influence and Gee was too scared/confused. Bad boys! *spanks them* (Gee, you're in love with Mikey, get real XD)

    Anyways, I adored this babe! Especially:

    Bert hasn't seen a razor (or a shower for that matter) in the better part of a week, but it's one of his qualities that Gerard finds oddly endearing. Perhaps it's because he bathes about as often as Bert does. Probably less, if anyone bothered to investigate.

    XD XD Oh Gee ♥

    "You are. You're mine," Gerard growls, and pushes Bert backward. Pinning him down has always been easy; Bert isn't as tough as he looks. Or as strong, for that matter.

    "Get the fuck off of me," Bert shouts, while trying to free his wrists. "And get the hell out, before you turn back into a pumpkin."


    kejrgikrjeth That bit was seriously fantastic! :D I loved the pumpkin line and just the twisted heartbreak of it. You did such a good job honey :D

    "What's the rush?" Gerard speaks against Bert's lips, just before parting them with his tongue. Bert tastes like come, beer, and a gross combination of other men, but Gerard loves it. He loves the bitterness of Bert's mouth, and kisses him like he might never stop. He's far too lazy to bother with a condom this time, and far too gone to consider the consequences he could potentially be faced with as a result.

    OMG. I loved that part too! It was funny/sad at the same time XD Gerard, you are a filthy boy but we love you endlessly. and Bert...would totally taste of other men XD

    The description of their first kiss was so cute/perfect!! :D I can imagine that's what really happened too! <333

    Gerard is always supremely cuddly after sex, and loves to intertwine their languid bodies.

    ^ Especially that bit! *MELTS ON FLOOR* Awww, I bet he is! :D <333

    Sometimes I wish they were still friends, and other times I'm really glad they're not because Bert is still heavily into crap and generally a bad influence.

    "Hey little boy, want some candy?" Gerard asks with a suggestive wink. He figures since he's already been spotted, he might as well try and alleviate some of the awkward tension. Sticking around also seems like a good idea, so at least he can get wasted.

    OMG XD XD "Hey little boy, do you like suckers!?" *DIES* That was classic babe! *wipes eyes* I'm going to add that to our Best Quotes Ever category, along with "Boooyyyy!" and "Gerard is so...dead." *LOVES*

    I missed being inside you." Gerard speaks that last sentence against Bert's jugular vein, as he nips at taut, salty skin.

    GUH. *MELTS* That was hot! To the extreme XD I love the angry!sex in the bathroom stall and the emo in this hun, I think you write it really well :D

    Okay, oh sweet Geesus of New Jersia, this part:

    "Yeah; I even screamed out your name when I fucked your little brother." Bert's laughter is sharper than broken glass, and cuts just as deep. He's still laughing when his face meets the wall with a forceful crack, and when Gerard pulls out of him just seconds before he comes.

    HOLY SHIT. BEST EVER! XD I can just imagine Gee's face! 0____0 "You can't touch my brother!...But I can..." SEQUEL PLZ! *begs*

    "He was damn good too; runs in the family, huh?" Bert snaps, while reaching down to rub himself slowly. He gets far more pleasure from the expression on Gerard's face, than the rhythm of his own hand. "Relax. I'd never touch Mikey and you know it. You totally deserved that though."

    You're damn right you won't! XD *protects Mikey from Bert* <3333 LOVETHIS. And the part about Gerard going missing for ten days! That's so like emo, drunk!Gerard :D you know him too well.

















    • (LJ cut me off...XD)

      Mikey hugs him until Gerard's eyes nearly bug out, while whispering God-knows-what against his ear, and running a comforting hand through his gruesome hair. Toro cries a little, Bob pretends to be pissed, but everyone knows better. And Frank? Frank hugs him fiercely and calls him an asshole, which everyone knows is code for 'don't you ever put us through that shit again, you fucker!'

      Awwwww! *melts* That's adorable :D I love this band far too much ♥

      And the part that followed was so sad! Poor boys...love is rough sometimes =(

      "I want everyone to know," Bert says quietly, and then sighs. He's completely drained, physically and emotionally. His eyes are still downcast as he speaks, but he doesn't release Gerard's hand. "And you want to keep living in denial. Not admitting to yourself who you really are doesn't make it any less true."

      Awww! :( Even though it's SO sad, I think they just can't be together. They're not good for each other and you captured this perfectly baby! :D

      And of course the ending was just AWESOME!

      "Time's up, Gee." Bert manages to pull on a pair of dark sunglasses and make it outside just before the tears start to fall.

      SO PERFECT! Emo, but that's how it's supposed to be and you did this SO well! :D Seriously, I'm so impressed with this Angieface <33333333 You captured their relationship so well and the sense of tough love ♥ I absolutely LOVE it and the way you've written it and I definitely can't wait for the sequel if you're writing it! <333333

      *LOVES FOREVER* Awesome as always hun! :D :D
      • a;lskdjf;alskdfja;sldkfj LYNNIEeeeeeeeea;lkdfja;sld!! Oh my god!! How am I supposed to compete with a comment like this???? The only thing that can even remotely comes close would be some live-action WAYCEST involving Mikey, Gerard, rifles and some rope. XD.

        *LOVES* Seriously, thank you SO much for your comment!!! And for spending so much time on it!!! <33333333 I'm a flaily mess after reading it, and even though my comment can't compare, I love you ENDLESSLY and appreciate it SO much, babe!!!!! <3333333333333

        ♥ ♥ ♥
  • This was really sweet :')
  • wow, i fucking love this :D <33

  • AHHH THE VERVE.
    ULTRA-MUSE MUSIC!

    Oh my god.
    So painfully beautiful it brings tears to my eyes.
    Job well done.
    I'd love to see that sequel if you have it up.
  • OMG. SO ANGSTY AND BEAUTIFUL AND I WANT TO SHOWER BERT AND GIVE HIM A HUG!

    I LOVE THIS! =D AMAZING job as always, baby! =D <3333333333
    • Awww you read it!! ^_^ Thank you so much baby!! I'm SO glad you liked it!!! ♥ Should I do a sequel?? :) (I'm thinking mayyyybe they need a shower happy ending? XD) <3333333333
  • It's great finding another author who doesn't write Bert as the continual bad guy in the relationship.

    I loved the intensity and emotion.

    Mind if I add you to my friend list?
    • Hey! Thank you for the lovely review :D (I'm commenting from my personal Lj, because this one is just for my fic.) Sure, you can add me! Either or both lj's if you like. :)

      And THANK YOU. Your review means a lot to me since I worked very hard on this. :) And I worked harder to get Bert's character just right. ^_^

      If you want my two cents, (much as I LOVE Gerard) I always felt like the content of this fic is a bit like how I imagine things really went between them. I think they had a thing together & Gerard just didn't want to admit it. To himself or otherwise. With Bert, it wasn't just stage antics the way he would with mess around with Frank. I always felt like they really had something special and Gerard got freaked and ran.

      Which of course is why Bert is (probably still) so bitter towards him. I can't really blame him either. Of course this is all just personal theory. I'm sure a lot happened on both ends, but (where your lovely comment is concerned) I got tired of always seeing Bert as the bad guy.

      I love Gerard, but he's no saint, that's for sure. And I feel like Bert got his heart shattered, while Gerard just moved on without a second glance. I also think Gerard's soberiety had a lot to do with it too. Like, Bert was a reminder of his former self, not the new and improved one he was setting out to be. Anyway. XD Sorry I'm going off on a tangent, but it thrills me when people comment on the fact that I didn't make Bert the bad guy. That was my complete intent. :)

      So, thank you again!!! :D
Powered by LiveJournal.com